How to Actually Relax on Your Wedding Day: 10 Things I Tell My Couples

Wedding days are exciting. They’re also a little ridiculous.

You’ve spent months or sometimes years planning every tiny detail. There are timelines, vendors, family members, flowers, transportation, rings, dresses, boutonnières, seating charts, and approximately 47 people who suddenly need to know where the scissors are.

And then someone tells you, “Just relax and enjoy the day!”

Cool. HOW?

As a Maine wedding photographer who has photographed a whole lot of weddings, I can tell you that the couples who have the best wedding photos and honestly, the best wedding days aren’t the ones whose days go perfectly.

They’re the ones who don’t let the little stuff steal the show.

Here are a few things you can do before and during your wedding day to make it easier to actually be present and enjoy the damn thing.

1. Build a timeline that gives you breathing room

This is probably the biggest one.

A wedding timeline should not be packed so tightly that being five minutes late means the entire day falls apart.

Give yourself buffer time.

If hair and makeup are supposed to be finished at 2:00, don't schedule the next thing for 2:01. Give yourself time to get dressed, use the bathroom, drink some water, eat something, and deal with whatever random thing inevitably pops up.

Because something will pop up.

Someone will forget a shoe. Someone will lose a boutonnière. Grandma will need help finding the ceremony space.

This is wedding law.

A good wedding photographer will also help build a photography timeline that allows you to enjoy the day instead of spending the entire thing watching the clock.

2. Don't schedule every second of your day

You don't need a five-minute activity planned from the moment you wake up until the DJ announces the last song.

Actually, please don't.

Some of my favorite wedding photographs happen during the spaces between things.

The quiet morning with your friends.

Your partner seeing you for the first time.

Walking outside for five minutes because you need a break from everyone.

Laughing with your best friend while you're getting ready.

Those moments aren't "extra." They're your wedding day.

Leave room for them.

3. Eat something. Seriously.

I know. You have heard this approximately one million times.

But eat.

A wedding day is not the day to accidentally survive on champagne and three almonds.

Have breakfast. Eat lunch. Keep snacks nearby. Drink water.

You want to remember your wedding day as the day you married your favorite person not the day you became mysteriously convinced that a granola bar was a complete meal.

4. Let someone else handle the problems

This is where your vendor team becomes incredibly important.

Your wedding photographer, planner, coordinator, DJ, venue staff, and other vendors are there for a reason.

Let them work.

If the flowers are running late, that's not your problem.

If the timeline needs to shift by 15 minutes, that's not your problem.

If it starts raining, that's not your problem.

If somebody can't find the place cards?

Definitely not your problem.

Your job is to get married.

One of the best things you can do when planning a wedding is decide ahead of time who is allowed to make decisions on your behalf. Give that person permission to deal with the little fires so you don't even have to know they happened.

5. Stop worrying about whether everything looks perfect

This one is especially important for anyone who spends a lot of time on Pinterest or Instagram.

Your wedding does not need to look like a styled editorial.

It needs to look like you.

Your flowers might get a little windblown. Your dress might get dirty. Your hair might move. Your table might not look exactly like the inspiration photo you saved eight months ago.

Good.

You are not a centerpiece.

You are the person getting married.

And some of the most beautiful wedding photographs happen when things aren't perfectly controlled.

6. Don't spend your whole reception taking photos

Family photos are important. Wedding party photos are important. But even though you think you need a picture of every attendant in your wedding, you do not.

But you don't need to spend three hours taking photographs.

Build a photography timeline that gets you what you actually want while leaving plenty of time to be at your own party.

This is one reason I approach wedding photography the way I do.

I want beautiful portraits of you.

But I also want you to actually experience your cocktail hour, eat dinner, hug your people, dance like an idiot, and have a few drinks with your friends.

You paid for a wedding.

Go to the wedding.

7. Plan a little time alone together

This is one of my favorite pieces of wedding-day advice.

Even if it's only 10 minutes.

After the ceremony, before the reception gets completely wild, sneak away together.

Take a walk.

Sit somewhere quiet.

Have a drink.

Eat the appetizers that you spent way too much money on.

Look at each other and actually take in the fact that you just got married.

It sounds simple, but your wedding day can move at an absolutely stupid speed.

A few quiet minutes together can make a huge difference.

And yes, I will happily photograph some of it.

8. Tell your photographer what actually matters to you

Your photographer can't read minds.

Well, I can't, anyway. I'm still waiting for that software update.

If there are people, relationships, traditions, details, or moments that are especially important to you, tell your photographer.

Maybe you absolutely need a photograph with your grandmother.

Maybe your dad is going to lose his mind when he sees you.

Maybe you hate posed photos but desperately want a few really good portraits of the two of you.

Tell us.

The more we understand what matters to you, the better we can photograph your wedding instead of some generic version of one.

9. Expect something to go slightly wrong

This might be the best advice I can give you.

Something probably will.

The weather might change.

The ceremony might start late.

The DJ might announce the wrong thing.

Someone might spill something.

The flowers might not be exactly what you pictured.

And guess what?

You will still be married.

Twenty years from now, you probably won't remember that the timeline ran 12 minutes behind schedule.

You will remember who was there.

You'll remember how your partner looked at you.

You'll remember your dad crying.

You'll remember dancing with your friends.

That's the stuff worth holding onto.

10. Remember why you're there

At some point during your wedding day, stop.

Seriously.

Stop moving.

Look around.

Look at your partner.

Look at the people who traveled to be there.

Take a breath.

Because underneath all the planning, the Pinterest boards, the vendor emails, the seating chart drama, and the seemingly endless decisions about napkin colors...

You are marrying your favorite person.

That's the whole damn point.

And if you can keep that at the center of the day, the rest becomes a lot easier.

Your wedding doesn't need to be perfect. It needs to be yours.

The couples who give themselves permission to actually enjoy their wedding day are almost always the couples who end up with the most genuine photographs.

Not because everything went perfectly.

Because they were there.

They laughed. They cried. They danced. They hugged their people. They got a little messy. They forgot about the timeline for a while.

And that's exactly what I want to photograph.

If you're planning a Maine wedding, New Hampshire wedding, intimate wedding, or elopement and you want photographs that feel like your actual day not a photoshoot disguised as one, I'd love to hear what you're planning.