Maine & NH Wedding Photographer // Private vs Public Vows: Which One’s Right for You (Without the Pressure)?
So you’re deep into wedding planning, and suddenly someone hits you with the question:
“Are you writing your own vows?”
And just when you’re recovering from that mini panic attack, they follow up with:
“Are you saying them during the ceremony?”
Cue the sweaty palms.
Here’s the truth: Vows are beautiful, emotional, and hella personal — but how and where you say them? That’s entirely up to you. Some couples want the big public moment. Others want to whisper sweet nothings where nobody else can hear. Let’s get into the pros and cons of both so you can make the call that fits your vibe (and your anxiety level).
Public Vows — For the “Let’s Do This In Front of Everyone” Couple
Pros:
It's a major moment. Everyone gets to hear how much you love each other, and cue the collective sobbing.
It sets the tone for your ceremony — heartfelt, emotional, personal.
Your family and friends feel more connected to your story.
It’s the full rom-com energy, with people cheering you on while you bare your soul.
Cons:
Public speaking. Enough said.
One of you might totally clam up and forget half of what you wanted to say.
There's a chance your vows turn into “Who Wrote It Better?” — which, no thanks.
If you're super private or get emotional easily, it might feel like too much.
Private Vows — For the “Just Us” Kind of Couple
Pros:
No pressure. You can cry, laugh, swear, whatever — without worrying about an audience.
Super intimate. It becomes a moment just for the two of you — and it’s powerful as hell.
Great timing with your first look. You’re already alone together? Boom, cue the vows.
The photos. OH THE PHOTOS. Pure, unfiltered emotion. Storytelling at its absolute finest.
Cons:
Guests don’t get to hear your vows (some family members might be bummed).
You may still feel nervous, even without an audience — emotions be wild like that.
You’ll need to be intentional about scheduling it into your timeline.
Pro Tip: You Don’t Have to Pick Just One
Yep, you can totally do both. I’ve had couples exchange super personal vows privately during their first look, then do a shorter, more traditional version during the ceremony. Or read a letter silently before seeing each other. You get the best of both worlds — all the feels, minus the stage fright.
Real Talk: What I've Seen Behind the Lens
Some couples go into public vows thinking they’re good, then freeze up mid-sentence and leave out half of what they meant to say. Later, they’ll quietly admit they wished they had done them in private. On the flip side, I’ve had couples exchange private vows under the trees behind the barn — just the two of them (and me with my ninja camera skills) — and say it was the most grounding, emotional moment of the whole day.
One couple sobbed through their private vows during their first look, then went and crushed their ceremony with total calm. The pressure was off. They’d already said the important stuff. Public vows just became icing on the wedding cake.
Bottom Line:
This day is about you. Do what feels right.
Want to shout your love from the mountaintops in front of everyone? Do it.
Want to whisper it into your person’s ear under a big ol’ oak tree? Love that for you.
And if you’re not sure yet? That’s okay too. I’m here to help you figure it out — and no matter which way you go, I’ll be there to document it so you can relive the moment again (and again and again).
