Maine & NH Wedding Photographer //Eloping Isn’t Selfish — It’s Freedom in Disguise

I just got off a call with one of my elopement couples, and something they said has been stuck in my brain like a song on repeat.

They told me their families called them selfish for eloping.

Cue the record scratch and slow dramatic turn: WHAT?!

Let me just say this as loudly and lovingly as I can:

Eloping is not selfish.

Eloping is brave.

Eloping is intentional.

Eloping is saying, “Hey, we’re going to start our marriage focused on us instead of trying to throw a party that makes everyone else happy first.”

Here’s the thing: When a couple chooses to elope, they’re not asking family and friends to spend a ton of money, take time off work, or sit through a ceremony they might not even care about. There’s no registry to stress about, no chicken-or-fish RSVP card to return. You’re not making people travel across the country or drop hundreds on hotel rooms and outfits they’ll wear once. In fact, you’re doing the opposite. You’re saying, “You don’t have to do anything. We got this.”

Sounds… pretty dang unselfish if you ask me.

Let’s talk about the pros of eloping, shall we?

• No performance anxiety. If the idea of speaking in front of a room full of people makes you want to fake your own disappearance, eloping is your ticket to peace. You get to exchange vows without an audience, without the pressure, without someone’s uncle loudly clearing his throat mid-ceremony.

• Less planning = less stress. You don’t have to coordinate a 200-person guest list, color-coded seating charts, and Aunt Linda’s gluten allergy. You can keep things simple and still wildly meaningful.

• It’s about YOU. Traditional weddings have a weird way of slowly shifting to be more about the parents or the guests than the actual couple. “You have to invite your third cousin.” “You can’t serve tacos at a wedding.” “You must do a first dance, cut the cake, play the chicken dance, wear this thing, say that thing…”
  Nope. Eloping says, “Hard pass, thanks.”

• Freedom to still party later. Want to throw a chill reception or backyard BBQ in a few months? Do it! Want to never talk about weddings again and just send out a “We did the thing!” postcard? Also valid. Eloping doesn’t cancel your right to celebrate—it just lets you do it your way.

Some people love a big wedding — and that’s great! But others? They want intimacy. Calm. A day that feels like a breath of fresh air instead of a 12-hour production with a Pinterest mood board, fifteen vendors, and a fog machine.

If that’s you — if the idea of eloping speaks to your soul and gives you a deep sigh of relief — you are not selfish.

You’re listening to what you truly want. And honestly, that’s the most respectful thing you can do for yourself, your partner, and even your future marriage.

So to my couple (and to anyone else thinking about eloping but worried about what people will think):

You don’t owe anyone a seat at your ceremony.

You don’t need to perform love to prove it’s real.

You get to start your marriage in whatever way feels most you — whether that’s a mountaintop vow exchange, a courthouse kiss, or just the two of you and your dog under the stars.

Selfish? Nah. That’s love. Real, honest, no-frills kind of love.

And I’ll forever be here for it. 🖤