Maine & NH Wedding Photographer // Should You Invite That Estranged Relative to Your Wedding?

Ah, weddings. A celebration of love, unity, cake… and the occasional family chaos. Nothing like planning your dream day and suddenly wondering, “Should I invite my brother who hasn’t spoken to me since 2007 because of a stupid incident?”

Let’s talk about inviting estranged family to your wedding — the pros, the cons, and the “uhh… do we really need this energy right now?”

🟢 The Pros: Why It

Might Be Worth It

1. A Soft Reintroduction.

Your wedding can be a low-pressure setting to test the waters with an estranged family member. No need for big conversations or public declarations. They’re not getting a mic. They’re not giving a toast. They’re just… there. In a chair. In the back. Eating chicken marsala and minding their business. Hopefully.

2. Possible Healing Moment.

Look, weddings are emotional. Sometimes they crack people open in surprising ways. If there’s been a rift that’s always felt more “meh” than “absolutely not,” maybe this is a chance to gently re-open a door. No promises, no pressure.

3. You’re Doing It for You, Not to People-Please.

If you genuinely want to try to reconnect — not because Grandma “just wants the whole family together again” (eye roll) — then go for it. But only if it feels aligned with your boundaries and energy.

🔴 The Cons: Aka “Is This Worth the Potential Dumpster Fire?”

1. Your Wedding is Not Group Therapy.

Say it with me: Weddings are not the place to heal childhood trauma. There will be hugs, yes. Tears, probably. But unless your reception comes with a licensed therapist and a stack of childhood journals, now is not the time to process deep wounds.

2. You Don’t Owe Anyone an Invite.

Especially not someone who ghosted you emotionally, physically, or both. If the only reason they’re on the guest list is to make another family member happy — guess what? That’s not your problem. That’s how wedding resentment brews.

3. Drama Potential: HIGH.

You’ve got enough going on — vows, photos, keeping your cousin from doing shots before the ceremony — you don’t need to wonder if a certain estranged guest is going to bring up old beef during cocktail hour. Ask yourself: What’s the worst-case scenario? If it gives you hives just thinking about it, maybe skip it.

🚧 Things to Think About Before Clicking “Add to Guest List”

• What’s their role? Are they just attending? Or are you feeling guilted into making them a bridesmaid, reader, or table captain? (Please don’t do that.)

• Are they likely to behave? Or are they known to stir the pot, drink too much, and make themselves the main character?

• Are you doing this for peace, or people-pleasing? Honest answers only.

• Do YOU have the emotional bandwidth for this? It’s your day. Don’t let someone else’s past choices hijack your present joy.

Final Thoughts: The Vibe Check Matters

Here’s the deal: weddings are sacred, not in a stuffy way, but in a don’t-let-people-fuck-it-up way. You get one shot (hopefully) at this celebration. Protect the vibe. If that estranged family member is someone you want to gently reconnect with, and you think they can handle it like a normal human — cool. Invite them. Sit them near the back. No pressure.

But if this invite is just going to open a can of drama worms? Hard pass. You don’t need that in your wedding album.

At the end of the day, your wedding guest list isn’t a morality test. It’s a curated list of people you actually want around you during one of the most important days of your life. If someone doesn’t make the cut — that doesn’t make you the villain. That makes you smart.

If you’re thinking about inviting estranged family, check your motives, weigh the risks, and protect your peace. Because the only kind of fireworks you want on your wedding day… are the kind that explode in the sky. Not at table 12.